“So, I woke up at 5:30 this morning, with a sick baby burying his head under my arm and a pounding anxiety attack about our upcoming 4-day camping trip at Donner Lake for a friend’s wedding. It went something like this: will baby be better? If not how will I cope? Will the other boys get sick? If so, please Goddess, let it happen today so they’re over it by the weekend…oh no, not sick today -. we’ve got violin lesson at 10, and shopping to do and….on and on my head droned, along with the growing realization that I was not going to fall back to sleep.
Then, there was a stench of shit.
Where is that coming from I thought. The window is open, I can feel the breeze. Did the dog next door go near our fence? Oh yeah, it’s a dog-shit -kind-of-smell for sure….
I opened my eyes and looked around for the source. Baby? No. Husband? No. Then I saw it. Dangerously close to my head, on my favorite striped pillow was, well, a different sort of stripe. Apparently while I slept, one of our sweet new kittens had scooted across the pillow after the litter box, for a better clean.Disgusting.
Now definitely awake.
After pulling the pillow case off and grossing out with ninja-stealth so as not to wake the boys, I climbed out of bed to start my day. But not before first doing a quick tail-check on little Bubble and Sparkle. Turned out Bubble was the culprit, and she seemed to be appropriately chagrined.
I han’t much sympathy.’Great, as if I don’t have enough asses to clean.’ This was truly my thought, followed quickly by a perverse gratitude for Costco and their bulk price on baby wipes…..”
“And that, my dear” I said, after recounting my tale (tail) of woe,” is how I began my day”. I stared up at Amy, my esthetician. Locked in the back of the salon, in the cozy treatment room of Skin Solutions, the only client at 3:30 in the afternoon, I felt safe, companionable and in a confessional mood.
She gazed down on me with her twinkling blue eyes and ripped another swatch of hair from arm pit.
This is me, enjoying one precious hour of solitude (well, just me n’ Amy), away from the laundry , the kids, and the bickering. It might be torture but I’ll take it. Amy gives a great brow and lip and she is off to Ireland in a couple of days so I decided to go whole hog with pits & bikini, seeing as it’s beach season. (For those of you lucky enough to be in Sacramento, CA – you must come see her.)
“So this is your away time?” Amy asked, and with a deft touch whisked more badgerish hair from my underarm.
Yup. This and getting my teeth drilled at the dentist. In my opinion, the serenity of not attending to anyone except myself for a whole damn hour, more than makes up for the discomfort.
Besides, Amy is great. She was totally nonplussed at my confession that I may not have had a shower today and could very well be kinda stinky, “It’s all skin and hair to me” she breezed. She’s smart and funny and is quick to find the gem of genius in any good idea that you might float by her. Besides being waxer-extraordinare, and all round awesome lady, she is major dog-lover AND super creative to boot.She crafts handmade dog-beds and collars, yoga pillows and other good stuff which you can see on her Etsy shop. I ‘m thinking of getting the tartan kitty collars for my wee girls.
We usually spend the whole appointment chatting, which helps to distract me while she’s waxing the forest of hair away. Today was no exception and the topics we covered included the following:
- anxiety disorders
- her upcoming trip, and her plans for a cold pint and a hot book at some country pub in Ireland
- animal domination behaviors vs. odd-ball husband behaviors: a comparative analysis.
- the trials & tribulations of the thirty-something single girl and her defunct blog on that topic which was to be titled “And I waxed my asshole for this?”
- the mysterious magic of converting vinyl albums to digital files, how the heck does that work anyway?
- and of course, kids and pets.
Rip, rip, rip.
By the end of the hour there was a sizable pile of wax strips molded with thick hair follicles protruding out of them, like strange little caterpillars. If Amy saved all these little remnants from her clients and put them all together under a glass case she’d have an instant 70’s-style conceptual art piece on the tendency of the human female towards masochism in the name of beauty (or something like that!)
Needless to say the appointment passed quickly, and by the time I was done at Skin Solutions not only did I feel better (& fresher) but I’d also, (by the grace of Amy who picked up the phone and put in a referral for me) secured a place for my kittens at the vet clinic of the highly lauded and seriously inexpensive Dr. Menke (Franklin Animal Hospital, Sacramento). Bonus!
There may be other, more gentle ways to spend a replenishing hour away from my family duties, such as a walk by the river or a browse in a bookshop, but I got so many needs met in such a short time: laughter, advice, encouragement, good-looking skin and inspiration for this first blog post that I’ll be looking forward to the next opportunity to be smeared with hot wax in 4-6 weeks!